Are you happy about it?

Time is something that I always feel I don't have enough of. I feel as if I don't have enough time to study, time to sleep, be with my family, relax and unwind... It makes me wonder whether or not there really isn't much time to work with or could it just be me?

I've asked myself countless of times what it is that I could be doing wrong, what it is that makes time whisk away. I've tried to employ various techniques to make me feel like I'm on track of things. But I don't really understand where my time goes and where it goes to hide.

I went to Booksale, a place that I usually seek refuge in during times of stress. I found a book entitled "First Things First". It was written by Stephen Covey, author of the Seven Habits series. I wanted to buy it 'cause I saw interesting things in it, but well, I didn't have the money for it yet. So that will have to be for another day. I saw lots of interesting things in it, though. It seems to be the perfect book with all the answers to my questions.

Why does it feel like I don't have enough time to go around? Come to think of it, aren't we all just the same? We are all also just people who make choices. Whether we like it or not, the choices we make everyday have profound effects in our lives, and the mere choice of whether or not take a car or commute to work can spell the difference between being late for work or not.

IN THE END, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO WITH YOUR TIME.

If you spent your time doing something you love, then chances are, you won't feel bad about it. Cognitive dissonance plays a big role though. But that's another story altogether.

Bursts

"I was hopeful that today would be the beginning... the beginning of second chances, renewed hopes, and anticipation of good things to come. Everyday, I learn something new about people. Everyday, I get the chance to realize just how much of the world I take in and how much of myself I really put out there for others to see. "

I wrote this earlier this year.

In college, I frequently get bursts of thoughts, snippets of ideas that make me think critically and formulate theories on how random things or occurrences come to be. I get this high from having an idea that snowballs in my brain into a discussion. I get this high from feeling the passion again, the passion in having something to write about... something that matters (to me, at least).

Slowly, I think I'm easing back into organizing my thoughts. I actually think that having an outlet for organized thought somehow helps me in remembering things better. In so much as I want to spend time worrying about the next exam or memorizing the littlest of details from the latest trans from my transbox, I am refreshed at the fact that I can once again sit down peacefully, face my laptop, and pour out my thoughts even in the face of uncertainty as to whether or not someone's actually listening.

All Things Medical

As I am typing this on the keyboard of my E71, I am again waiting for my turn to see my doctor. She's been taking care of my very out of whack body for the past 2 years already. I'm very grateful that despite my being non-compliant, everytime I come to her, I ALWAYS get better afterwards. She's very great at what she does.

Sidenote: being surrounded by pregnant women in the clinic, I wonder if they think I'm expecting a baby as well. Haha.

I missed visiting my usual roster of doctors. I just think that the habit of consulting was instilled in me very early, coming from a family of doctors and all. I can self-medicate like any normally hard-headed patient would. But well, my dad's friends and collegues have constantly been within reach, taking care of me for as long as I can remember. I have a dermatologist, an endocrinologist, an ophthalmologist, and an ob-gyn... doctos from the 4 fields I've ever had problems with. I'm very fortunate.

It's just so weird now that I'm a medical student, that I somehow cannot control always trying to second guess diagnoses and stuff. I feel like such a raw excuse of a doctor. Still, it's nice when you, at least, get part of the diagnosis right. Good enough.

Well, the view's very much different coming from the patient side. In so much as I wish I can help people know what's wrong with them, in some twisted way as well, I like being cared for. Plain and simple. I enjoy going to the doctor, getting x-rays, lab tests and all sorts of things done. (I hate urinalysis, though). I like being confined in the hospital. Weird, right?!

Come to think of it, I've always had good memories in hospitals. I used to come with my dad all the time to his clinics. I practically grew up in a hospital, playing those magnetic rotating fishing games while waiting for my dad to end his clinic so we can go to SM Makati and eat Takoyaki balls from Samurai.

In a few years, that will be me. Hopefully I get to start my practice by then. I'll still enjoy being the same person who likes hospitals, but more than just being on the receiving end, I will get a chance to be the one who makes a difference in others' lives.

One More On The List

When people find out that I'm a medical student, the first thing that they immediately ask is: "Anung gusto mong specialization?" To which, I usually reply: "'Di ko pa po alam eh", with matching awkward laughter. In the past 3 days though, I found that I enjoyed Ophthalmology a lot. :)

I saw how diagnostics and surgery go hand in hand. Sentro Oftalmologico is a very cool place. It doesn't feel like PGH at all. I learned that there are only 2 TRUE OPHTHALMOLOGIC EMERGENCIES (meaning, no haggard lifestyle as everything can be scheduled accordingly). Ophthalmologists get to use all sorts of technology in their practice. Residency takes 3 years only and that includes surgical training already. Isn't that great?

I have now bumped Ophtha to the top half of my list of potential specializations.

Now, I just have to get through 4 years of med school and the board exams.

Yay.

And I realized all that in the span of three days. Man, not having any patient interaction in the most real sense of the context makes one's perspective kind of skewed in a way.

Oh well.

First.

For the longest time, I've been dealing with the fact that medical school is hard. Not to mention that I am already on my second year and it has been known to be one of the most difficult years of all. These past 2 months, I have found myself, day in and out, studying countless nights (and dawns) for weekly exams that seem unending.

Last week though, for our Hematology module, I got the chance to meet the first patient I had to do a case report on. Exciting, right? Here is a chance to get a fresh perspective on healthcare, going beyond the books that I've grown used to.

The patient is Mark. He's relatively of the same age as most of the people in my class. He was diagnosed with Leukemia 2 years ago and has been in and out of hospitals since.

Talking with him made me think about how it might feel like to be him: stuck in a hospital with around 30 other people who were sick. Knowing how much you want to be better, but forever be bound by financial limitations to health. Art of Medicine classes now come to my mind. We have been taught in the College of Medicine that it is also important to care for our patients more than biologically; addressing, instead, their needs on a more biopsychosocial level. The hospital can make you jaded, though. I bet there will come a time wherein we would find it corny to ask how a patient feels about his/her sickness rather than ask for signs and symptoms that can guide us in finding diagnoses and eventually--treatments.

The system can eat you. I don't want to wait for the time when I won't notice how I treat patients. Being a med student makes me forget sometimes, how people in the hospital are basically just that, PEOPLE. I can get too preoccupied with thinking of deadlines, countless things to do, studying for the next big exam that I get too caught up in this little nook of mine. I forget that there's a whole world of individuals out there, with their own problems, dilemmas, and issues. Seeing it in that light though, somehow I am relieved and still very much thankful... for everything.